Expressions by Bethany Marie

The Kennedy Family

We are all born into families with values that frame our life story

Some things are genetically determined, some babies are calm and others are temperamental from the start

Researchers know of 3 clocks,

 biological (physical clock) timetable for growth (talking around age 2)

 social clock (society) what society expects & when (going to school at age 5)

 psych clock – describes passage of time through our inner schedule for growth and development and causes us to become ourself (how old we feel, not how old we are,  babies learning that who they see in pictures is themselves)

Sheldon White babies are born prepared to signal distress, cause emotion, etc. that leads to attachment

John Kotre stories combine to tell us what to think about nature, farming, etch. social womb in which our children can be nourished”

Grant Templin

     5 weeks

Hard to leave the baby with babysitters but parents are also unsure if it would be better to keep them home or send them to daycare

Janice Gibson – women have entered the work force and have concerns about day care – there is no problem with leaving children in daycare as long as it is a competent day care provider

Justin Kennedy

     5 months

     9 months

    12 months

    22 months

5 – can have an affect on his surroundings

-cry, and comfort, invitation and response, formation of attachment between parent and      child

9 -  being introduced to more sights, sounds and sensations, his attachment is specific to his parents babies learn that people/objects remain existent even when out of sight

12 – wont remember this first year later on in life, psychologists disagree on the importance of the first year in future development, some say that it is intensely important, while others think that it is only as important as any other year.

22 – first combination of words can be very important – language begins to explode at this age

Sheldon White – many believe that the reasonable treatment creates a buffer that allows them to make it through, but the first year is probably not as important as some people make it out to be

Urie Bronfenbrenner the most important factor is involvement in reciprocal joint activity b/w people who have an irrational attachment

Family is the most humane, powerful, and economical system for keeping humans human

Janice Gibson – first year is most important and sets stage for everything to follow. What comes next is not irreversible, but the odds have been changed after the first year

Meredith Wilson

    13 months

     2 years

     4 years

13 – primarily dependent on parents, Patty and Phil, very demanding baby, always moving. She has developed a sense of self, and she has an additional attachment to her aunt – parents change in response to children

2 – she loves to explore the world, new sights, smells, tastes. It becomes easier for parents to relate to her, and her principle task is to strengthen her sense of self, she is now “too old for something” she now knows what she wants – separateness that can be called the “terrible twos” when children learn they are independent

4 – Meredith loves to be in the spotlight, while her brother would rather observe – temperaments can endure. She knows that she is a girl and plays mainly with girls, which is typical of children her age (grouping off by gender) children have mental tools to remember things better, our memory doesn’t start until age 3 or 4. Psych. Say that these memories don’t matter so much when you are little, but more so are important later in life when you look back

Alice Rossi – becoming a father is first time that many men are genuinely obsessed with caring for the child, increase in expressivity in men who become fathers

Janice Gibson – as children gain independence they like the word “no” because it is the opposite of what the primary caregiver wants, but it is an important psych. Step.

Girls play domestically (playing house) while boys go outdoors and play more aggressively – we don’t know if this is because of how we raise them, or if it is innate.

Sheldon White – there are consistent differences in the ways babies interact with people/situations etc. and they differentiate babies from eachother

Preschool art class

Fragments of recollection are beginnings of autobiography for the future, eventually one of these memories will become the first memories they ever have – it can sometimes be easier for them to tell a story with pictures than words. 

Nancy Smith – art educator

Children think of ideas before they do their paintings, emphasis on what the children think is important. They often choose family for their subject.

Almost unable to tell you the full story and they want to fit it all into the picture. This communication creates and inspires growth.

Jamillah Johnson

     6 years

First day of school – she likely has mixed feelings about her first day of school

Fred Rogers – “Mr. Rodgers”

Uses puppets to put children in touch with their feelings, etc.

The best thing parents can do is listen to their children and help them express their feelings. Ask them questions about the experience so that they can start to think about how they feel about new experiences.

The first day is really important once it is accomplished because the child will feel as if they can do it again

Jamillah Johnson

6 years

Change in relationship shared with her grandmother

Persistent pressure to act your age in the social clock – very important during school years – students must learn to follow someone else’s schedule

Students learn about rules and start to make friends, looking for people like themselves to establish their identity

Opportunity and risk both exist in the school setting

Sheldon White – She is reaching out to make friends at recess and is starting in sorting out a process of finding out who she is and who her allies will be

Anne Peterson – Support from family gives children information for what to look out for and let the children know that this will be a new and exciting time in their life

Karl Haglund

9 years

Sorting out his place in his family – with one brother who is academically gifted and one who is mentally challenged.

Seemed to be struggling even though he was putting forth great effort to learn

He has trouble with sequential information

In the future he will know that he can count on his family for support when he has difficulties

Anne Peterson – most kids have an area in which they struggle but if they can make some headway it is less likely to become a self esteem issue

Janice Gibson – each child has learning experiences and abilities and they may not meet what is needed in a situation, they will not do as well but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t skilled in other areas/ won’t be adequate in society.

Jason Kennedy

11 years

Has responsibilities with his family to help keep the farm up and running

Struggles with reading, not because of a lack of ability, but because of laziness

Has already figured out that schoolwork may not be as important as the lessons he will learn about farming from his dad.

David Hartman – throughout most of history children learned what they would be doing from their parents, but now there has been a shift towards learning in school and few children fully comprehend what their parents do.

Candy Reed

11 years

Has been raised entirely by a single mother but has been able to turn to her grandfather.

She wants to be a “big girl” because she has hit puberty – she will now be attending a bigger school with older students

It is hard to adjust to new social and school situations at the same time

Spends lots of time talking to friends about boys

It is hard for parents to find the boundary of not being too friendly or strict

Anne Peterson – start as a child and become a young woman – there is a period of time when the children are changing from day to day and can revert to child and back to teen and then eventually they get to being a full blown teenager

Kim Henderson

15 years

Has an 18 month old daughter

She got all of the blame as the woman, the boyfriend did not get any blame

When she was little, her dad was an alcoholic and mistreated her and her mother

David Hartman – those who study lifespan say that adolescence can be confusing when clocks get out of sync – biological says you can have babies but social says you are still a child

Nuket Curran

17 years

Act out just because she can now and she may not have the opportunity when she is older

Parents and teens often disagree over some minor issues but have the same values generally

Kids can now picture the “ideal” and the real world comes up a bit short

Lots of pressure to grow up, go to school, and earn money and more money

Small things that seem bad are inflated and seem horrible

Has numerous friends and lots to live for – her friends are her support

         Jessor – sexuality now has to be dealt with at a much younger age than in the past – there is more exposure, expectations and opportunities – earlier facing of development that used to occur later in life

Michael Sheldon

18 years

“just because I live in your house doesn’t mean that I should have to follow your rules”

Parents think that he is just demanding instant gratification

Looks for a girls looks – then personality

Clings to his mom – it was hard for him to adjust to his parents separation and remarry

Janice Gibson

Adolescence is when they begin to question who they want to become and find their identity. They must now make the decision of if they want to be like their parents or develop something new.

Trey Edmundson

18 years

Mother died – lives with his aunt and uncle

Very independent – but often must take Mimi and Perce around and fulfill their needs as well

He knows he is experiencing important times and wishes he could share them with his late mother.

Looks forward to graduation and college and wants to be on his own although he will miss his family.

John Kotre

Young people can recover from developmental blows but they will be different because of it.  Their identity and intimacy may change to being sensitive to pain/the pain of others, etc. which may become a main part of a new identity.

Heather Robinson

17 years

Reads to young children and visits an elderly blind woman on the weekends

She has seen people be very kind but others be very insensitive to her elderly friend

She has become fairly reflective and can write of her past, present and future.

Justin Miller

21

Tension makes him think about finishing up school and worries him that he wont be successful.

Worried b/c he has seen people taken advantage of

Thinks about girlfriends -

Lots of things to say but no one to talk to

.  Feels that having a family could make his life difficult and stationary

He has a dream and doesn’t know how starting a family will work out with his career choices.

Andrew Cherlin Justin is like many who are putting their personal lives on hold temporarily = he may need to adjust his view of relationships as he moves further in life.

May-ling Agosto

21

Pressured to get a job to support her son and keep things going.

Married at the age of 15, son by 18 separated by 19 – if a husband doesn’t need you, it is not impossible to make it without him.

Started a family really young and has struggled through a separation with her husband. Led her to frustration and drugs.

Willing to sacrifice her life for her son and his wellbeing. He makes her life complete, and she feels like things are coming together, as she is training in her job and moving into a new apartment.

David Hartman – she is slowly putting the pieces of her life together again and she is finding out  how to change the course of her life and change the disappointments in her life

Anthony and Julianne Cugini

Their jobs are very important in supporting each other – they changed their jobs to fit their family better.

Both looked at marriage as a VERY permanent thing

Had a baby within the first year of their marriage – others said it was foolish for her to do that but she is happy about it.

Held on to their dream of starting a family and learned  to deal with the big changes with their marriage and  child.

Urie Bronfenbrenner there is an interconnection across the generations – their parents are around to support their family. Their family belief system carries them through

Donna Rodacoj

Working to earn an education so that she can make it for the rest of her life

Loved eachother and couldn’t wait to marry – found out that they were worlds apart in their beliefs, etc. and couldn’t make it work.

Fell in love and all too  quickly fell apart – in the process however,  gaining a family

Dreamed of having a family and a house in the country, but their dreams quickly fell apart. Now she is working on her education and getting to what she had dreamed of.

Andrew Cherlin – many women and children are affected negatively by divorce- income goes down 30% or so. Women must go into the workplace to support their family.

Phillip and Patti Wilson

30 & 31

He is a photographer and she is a dispatcher – but they both need to

Fell in love and after some time decided to get married. They don’t  have the ideal life but its all ok.

Many cycles of good and bad – now have a baby which is great but they have money problems.

She didn’t want to get restricted by a husband and child  - but now they both make plans for the whole family, especially the baby.  The baby really made the family and is  helping them achieve their dream of family

Jay Belsky – parenthood and marriage enabling people  to discover new parts of themselves and allow people to express parts that have laid dormant for many years.

Brownwyn Reed

31

Has a job that she doesn’t want to keep forever but uses music to help her deal and stay happy

Didn’t know what she wanted in high school – got pregnant with someone she had known her whole life. Didn’t want to get married, wanted to keep her  baby

Kind of sounds like it accidentally started – but turned out great nonetheless. Now raises her daughter with her grandfather as a major role model

She feels like everyone else has developed their lives and she hasn’t gotten the chance to = she wants to be everything and is realizing that she cant be.

Alice Rossi – has been in a difficult place with struggling to work with a daughter and no significant other for a long time.

David Nimons

David Fleisher

Journalist and union organizer – doing work that they care about, work that shapes the world

Ready to get married – had similarities and differences that seemed to work themselves out and decided to get married.

Seem to have started their own family by entering in their partnership with each other.

Originally dreamed  of family with children and a dog, etc. but finally woke up and realized that they were gay. They found each other and decided to be together.

David Hartman – they have realized that they are good for each other and work together to make their dreams and ideas come to reality.

Christine Osborne

Almost 40

Works to support herself

Wonders about getting married and finding her perfect mate but it seems grim

She wants to have a baby and start a family – she knows that her biological clock is ticking and is trying to deal with that.

Always dreamed of having children and feels like people don’t understand how hard it is to live without a significant other and/or child.

Deborah and Charles Stith

37

Role in the church has played significantly in their lives – and with their children.

Many positive things in their life happened as a result of the church.  Met each other at a seminary

Two kids, a nephew and mother are part of the household. Demands that this causes create tension within the family but it works out.

Try to maintain love that will carry them through the hard times  and they are able to put the hard times behind them.

Brian Sipes

Asked himself if that he was finally starting to age– before he started to age he never felt like he was getting older

Prolonged adolescence

Anxious to get out of football and see what will happen – wants people to recognize him but not judge him based on his past

Hopes that he can pass on his story because his dad didn’t do that for him

Football was a relatively calm time for him, now he feels he has a good wife and 3 great kids and there is nothing stopping him

Always wanted to walk out of football and have a curtain come down – start a new life outside of football

Alvin Pousaint most of us don’t feel changes until 50s or 60s – athletes must deal with this issue at a much younger age.

Kathleen Wilkins

First born baby boomer  - not afraid to get old – thinks it’s about how we cope with it. – exercises often – much harder to lose 5lbs.

Separated from her husband – came out of it feeling inadequate – started going to the same university

Goes to school with her daughter – wants to have something when her kids are gone to hold on to

She is proud of herself – she is going back to school and feels she has more to offer to a business than a 22 year old would – she has the life experience and the education.

At 40 she has learned to like herself – after such a bad time with her divorce it was important for her to work for something of her own.

Gunhild Hagestad – transitional women – high divorce rate might reflect the fact that they were caught in the crossfires of history.  Originally learned “what girls do” and then came the 60s

Danial Cheever

Weight has gravitated  - constantly trying to lose weight – loss in stamina and strength

Becoming a president of a college came at the right time in his life when he was ready to do something different.  – his wife and his workplace and home life changes

His father influenced him a lot – a teacher who has always taught

Grandpa is teaching everyone to sail =

He is enjoying his life – reached his 40s and wanted a change – the opportunity to become a university president presented itself.

Greatest cause that can be served is childhood education.

George Vaillant

Whole notion of a midlife crisis has been overdramatized to sell books, etc.

Jim Kennedy

Body has changed and aged as he has gotten older and spent so much time on the farm working.

Father sold him the family farm and told him that if he failed he failed on his own

He wants to preserve the way of life that he has for the rest of his children and their future generations.

Every day is different and he deals with a lot of different situations each day. It made them closer to have to struggle for a bit before making it on their own with their own “business”

Legacy includes not only the farm – but the values that he has as well

Matt Nord

Feels weak and gets irritable at the kids

The dream is gone – probably forever – it tears him apart because he has lost everything that he was interested in  for work – gets depressed

Times have changed for the next generation and it is very different/hard to accept

Feels like his life has fallen apart a bit – lost his job and now must work a lot of low paying jobs to keep things going.  Feels like his dreams never come true and he lives in the “land of opportunity”

Realizes that he really loved his job and that now he is back where he began as a teenager. It is hard to cope, especially with his age – all he can do is hope.

Gunhild Hagestad – he is a man with strong expectations in a linear way  - work hard, build security, rest on laurels, but suddenly all at once it is all gone – at midlife, it is VERY hard to rebuild.

Chris Rosenberg

Struck by polio at a young age

Her life has basically fallen apart – death of siblings, son,’ marriage failure – now they are getting back together to try and work it out

They have gotten to their age and now finally feel like they have got it all together

She is happy with her life because she can help others and say “when this happened to me…”  which seems to help other women not feel like they are alone.

Feels the reason that she interacts with young women quickly because she can be real to them  - forced to be liberated and found something good about herself

George Vaillant

One of the rules of development is the capacity to be able to decide to give yourself away or not – in their 20s men are better at NOT giving themselves away, women are good at giving themselves away – to their detriment

Harriet Lyons

Feels like she has gotten older but that isn’t going to stop her. She knows what she wants and what she needs to do to get it.

Lost pretty much everything when she lost her job and had no money, including her children’s childhood objects, etc.

Her daughter called for her to apply for a job – it led to her putting her life back together and having a job and a life.  Spends a lot of time with her granddaughter because of her daughter’s drug addiction.

Proud matriarch of an extended family – things got hard but she didn’t give up – kept pushing and made it work. Now she can enjoy her lie and her family.

Enjoys her life without fear and is fine with her life because she put it all back together. She does NOT feel tied down = and knows if she wants/needs to leave she can.

She is finally coming to where she wanted to be

We are generative when we come to the  need of our immediate family  - it is important to have this generativity. .

Ruth and Dave Rhylander

Are older but have aged more emotionally than physically due to the death of their daughter at such a young age.

The day that they found out that their daughter had leukemia changed their lives -

It’s a totally different era.

Their daughter changed their lives and her loss changed it all over again.

Ruth has committed her self to the Presbyterian church’s peace mission and continues to do work with it. Dave became a director of a food bank . They feel that their daughter would like what they are doing with their lives now.

Lynn had to die  so that her parents could learn how to really live. They had experiences that enriched them and have seen tragedy and joy.

David Hartman

Legacy is important to us all – whether it is material or not.  Lynn may have died..but she was there and mattered and ultimately left her legacy.

Harry Crimi

61

They have eachother and their families to support them  - they continue to work and spend tome with family to cope

More things to do at home and more activities have surfaced – work in their business as the 3^rd generation

Their grandchildren and children..and also the business they have worked so hard for

They seem to be enjoying reaching retirement and spending time with their children/grandchildren and they continue to work because they enjoy it.

David Hartman for many retirement signals the end of one chapter and the beginning of another  - people at 60 are now pioneers – late adulthood is an “extra” season of life – biologically,  they can look to live to be 75 or older and they are still working and plan to work for a while.

Vivian and Tom

Russell

He used the army as a way to escape the south and get  a new opportunity and experience.

Have struggled to get to where they are…but now want to give something back to others. Guide to prisoners, comforting those in hospice etc.

Achieving everything from working as hard as he could his whole life -

They just bought the dream house that they have always wanted after working hard for many years.

Bernice Neugarten

75-80% young old people – not frail – healthy active and engaged in their families and communities – a new historical development

Lyman and Doreen

Spitzer

He still studies the universe and science because he feels it is best to keep learning

They love nature and the outdoors/outdoor challenge. He still works as well.

It is difficult to get satisfaction only from what has been done in the past – has to keep going and keep working.

His family life is a source of endearment

Keeps on being active – rock climbing still, and possibly beginning to work with computing, or a musical instrument

Carl Eisdorfer

There is no right or wrong way to age – it is important to retain a sense of self and belonging and if you choose to make choices, you should have options for those choices

Rowena and Milton Band

Snowbird who is 78 and still very active playing tennis – lean on each other for support and love

Still continues to play tennis for fun

Former bookkeeper and lawyer that are now enjoying being grandparents

They don’t have the everyday worries of their past  - they love having someone beside them to hold and call sweetheart

He now can just worry about himself and his wife and their safety and they are just having fun

Robert Butler – the kind of sexuality that emerges may be oriented more to nurturance and the broader meaning of sexuality – broader sensuality, not just physical sexuality

Francis and Martha Kennedy

Their family help them cope with all of the changes. Belief in God helps them pull through the hard times

Still as active as possible on the farm and feel as though they belong on the farm – with their family.  Neither sits down to worry about what will happen – just take it a day at a time

Dreams that have come true in the past that will affect the future

Enjoys just going and wondering and dreaming at night

Trying to prepare for the future while enjoying their lives as they are currently

Ellen Hanes

94

Cant live by herself anymore – now she has to live in a nursing home to support her

Participates in nursing home activities but has to have help to accomplish anything

She seems to have a very rough self image and wish that she had planned better for the future if she knew how she would end up.

She has the benefit of being able to live in a nursing home and have care from others

Carl Eisdorfer – it may be that we need to look at ways to help women who are elderly and understand why men are not living as long as women – men are too hard on their bodies and don’t ask for help

Miriam Cheifetz

Went through a deep depression and wound up moving in to a nursing home so she wouldn’t be so lonely anymore.

She spends time with others that are in her situation and also with her children and grandchildrem

Her past with her husband and the life that she is living now .

She has a good friend and a great family to enjoy the rest of life with

She has the benefit of living in a nursing home with others that are her own age and she now has a very good friend and fellow widow.

Robert Butler it is important to look back at the mystery of our life through a life review – payoff can be integrity through the cohesiveness of their life and resolution of past unhappiness

Minna Citron

96

Uses her art as a therapy for her to release the tension that is in her life – she thinks more about the past than the future

She went to school for art and left her husband to enter the world –

She has two children and went back to school  - her art means a lot to her and she can express her message , which may live on.

Loves enjoying life and doing her best = she continues her art and displays it

David Hartman

Our life journey can change, and we hope that at the end there is an inner place of serenity and we go quietly. We learn that old and dying can be transformed.

George Nakashima

Woodworking – he feels that it is important to keep his work useful and not just a shrine -

Learned woodcarving through being put in an internment camp and still is at work with wood

With a tree you can read it’s whole history – it has a soul  - his family and his art provide a  lot of meaning in his life, along with God.

Has no regrets – says he might have done things differently but he doesn’t regret it at all. He now enjoys his art for pleasure, and enjoys itme with his family.

Bernice Neugarten

In old age people reap the benefits of a long life in its richness, complexity and savoring their life